Edit: ''Trigger warning''
Cause people were taking this so serious and pointed this as sensitive in several notes they sent me, I am leaving a warning before reading down, it has a lot of cussing so watch out! its negative so read at your own risk.
ugh my temper is so low lately probably pissing people off easily, cant draw since the past 5 days and I have been having arguments with people, so I am avoiding speaking with anyone so that I dont bother you guys. letters in bold is what my mind thinks its correct, the normal letters is what I want to do, and yes I speak to myself, in the description I am speaking to myself, so guys dont get offended if you though I was referring to you as an artist. BI no comments to avoid the drama, I like the picture though, its old and I didnt finish it, some people saw it 3 months ago, please do not send me notes that has to be with this deviation. e_e
I want to avoid any drama.
-----you know, you get to realize that all of the shit people say about ''you are amazing,
ahhh my inspiration, ah I love your art'' all that crap is not meant for you, they are referring to your hands, you are no one, a slave of your own hands, for this 17 years, all of the attention you used to get was because of your hands, but truly you are a failure, a piece of crap, what if you didnt have hands? what if you never had this ability? would you still be the same? would the people still admire you? would they like you? would they even speak to you? no.
The truth is and will be that you are just a good artist, but nothing else, I dont see the way of why do you still try to please people when you dont please yourself, and you know what else? I am beginning to understand the way you act like that, my friend, even though you dont consider me as one of you friends, I dont think feeling pity would be the correct answer, I feel like I saw myself in you/
I should be step on by others as well, or perhaps pass my skills to someone who is worth it, I am not a good person and I will never be, ''the skills where created by yourself'' that means I am stupid? its like I cursed myself, ''they mean something good, something you developed yourself, you should be proud of what you had become so far'' its like living a lie, why do people keep referring to me as an awesome or good person? its my art not me! shut the fuck up I am only here to please people after all, only that, I do art for everyone, so that they can be happy, I was meant to get everyone happy, everyone? its not like I count in that ''everyone'' after all, I am no one? or is it that I am beginning to feel jealous...?
I regret what I had done,''So now you are confessing yourself? I dont understand you, even though I am your mind.''
ahh I wish I would had noticed it sooner or late, that I have no life, but still why I am still here alive? I must had gone off nuts ''will you just shut the fuck up? you sound like some drama queen, and I am getting tired of you, if you dont have the balls to fix your own problems, dont point it out to others, keep them for yourself and go back to draw, draw like if you had something to live for.''
there is no meaning, there was never a meaning, never a reason to draw, shouldn't it end without one as well? after all, the web is just some fake portal, nothing is real and nothing they say or are to me is real, I should go back to live the reality, to spend time with my real friends, theres nothing for me to do here.''are you whiling to leave everything behind? aint them your friends? all this time was wasted for nothing?'' yes.
''I want to remain here'', And I want to live,However we cannot travel apart.
I hate what I had become, I am a big lie, Its better to hide and never come back.
''You will never fix anything by doing that.'' at least, I wont get in anyone's way anymore. ''Just go back to draw, its the best and only thing you can do.''
I cant, I have been drawing for the past 5 days, everything is just crap, and I am beginning to give up, But I may be gone, for 3 weeks, if not 6, ''huh?'' but you know? its amazing! I will get away of this place, I will pretend to dont know anyone and act like no one existed, I will remain as a normal person, I would not be called as Roneri , I will not draw.
''Will you come back? you eventually come back, your sins will hunt you down, and you cant just simply let them behind, you know you are screwed.''
Yeah I have to, even though I dont want to, I have to keep on with the work.
Do not ask, its not of your concern how I feel, but if you are wondering, I feel like shit,
no I am not leaving, leaving would be bullshit and would be like what someone weak will do, I never back down on the things I do, so I shall remain in this place and chained to my own hands till I loose my ability to draw.
I understand now, why people stop drawing, why they leave and why they give up, I am sorry if I once holded you to keep on even though you wanted to give up, I am sorry if I tried to cheer you up. I regret what I have done, I regret being born.
I am sorry, I am sorry for being a wall in your life.
I am tired of failing.
yet I dont know what love, jealousy and hate are, I wish I could feel them like others do.
''Why do you always put me in such a shame?'' I think I can cry this time..
''Do you need a hug?'' No, what I need is a slap.
Please, bring me back into reality...
perhaps I am just afraid.
-Crown The Empire - Voices
-Hollywood Undead - My Black Dahlia
-Hollywood Undead - Knife called Lust
-Hollywood Undead - Young
-Hollywood Undead - This Love This Hate
.-Hollywood Undead - Moder Murder
-A Day To Remember - Better Off This Way
you can tell I love HU XDD so yeah enjoy.